And here you are, my littlest one. You have been in the world now for less than twenty four hours – this time yesterday I had not yet met you. I had no idea what you looked like (a mirror image of your brother, as it turns out) what you weighed (9lb 3oz but you still seem tiny to me) and no sense of who you are as a little person (very, very quiet on day 1) And now it couldn’t seem any more odd that yesterday I didn’t know you. Because today you are too precious, too definite a person, too important, to remember a time when you were not here.
Your birth, strangely difficult as I found it, has now receded into insignificance. This time last night I couldn’t see how I would survive it – that I would live always locked in a battle of searing pain, contractions that I knew you were bringing you closer but couldn’t welcome, and the horror of the pain that was still to come. Today, I remember only that it brought you to me. It seems far distant now.
Today brought your first meeting with your brother and sister. I will always remember the awe on their faces as they tiptoed to the crib and peered in, searching for the brother they have anticipated and talked of for so long, realising that here, now, finally, you had become a real entity to them. I will always treasure the real, bright love in your sister’s eyes as she held you for the first time, bursting with pride. I will never forget the way your brother stroked your tiny hand with his finger, struck silent by its softness and fragility.
I sit here now with you snuggled close into my neck. I can feel your tiny, huffing breaths on my skin, feel a small, helpless hand flung against my chest. All this time as I’ve carried you it’s been this – you and me, our hearts beating silently together and apart, part of each other. But this isn’t separation, my little one – this is the beginning of a story of the greatest of loves. I have no idea who you will be, but the pages are blank and full of promise and possibilities. I held you against me all day today and thought of this beginning, and of your new life in your brand new world, and it begins with this: the clearest, brightest joy, and the purest of loves.